Sugar Pahk'd
by PerkyGoth14
Summary: Eddy receives an unwanted and surprising visit from his older cousin. She, however, seems to be interested in another kid in the neighborhood, luckily for Eddy, she wants to spend more time with them than she does with him. Maybe this summer visit from his distant cousin won't be so bad after all. Or will it?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A random fan fic spawned from some drawings I have on my Microsoft Paint app on my laptop. I don't own anyone, but the concept and the idea of these two being related. Read & Review. **

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><p>Eddy was walking down the street after another endless day of scamming kids out of their quarters so he could buy jawbreakers. Double D and Ed had already gone home. Eddy opened the door and saw his mother sitting on the couch with an older girl who nearly looked like her. The girl had fat curly blonde hair and was even fat as his mother with a short pink shirt that exposed her belly and a big part of her chest with blue jeans and black sandals.<p>

"Eddy, look who's come to visit!" Mrs. Sampson called as she saw her scheming son come into the house.

Eddy cringed a bit.

"Ooh, there's my favorite little cousin in the whole wide world!" the girl got up and pulled Eddy into a big tight hug, nearly suffocating him.

Eddy chuckled as he got free and looked up nervously. "Hey, Cousin Sugar..."

"Hi, Cousin Eddy!" Sugar beamed, ruffling up his hair as she set him back down.

"Your cousin is here to visit for the summer, Eddy," Mrs. Sampson explained. "You know how much I love my favorite niece!"

"Yeah, more than me..." Eddy murmured under his breath.

"I want you to show her around tomorrow, introduce her to your friends, and be nice." Mrs. Sampson said, rather firmly.

Eddy heaved a sharp sigh. "Yes, Mom..."

"Good boy, now Sugar, hop off the couch, Eddy needs to get adjusted to his new sleeping arrangements."

"Yes, Auntie Jessica!"

"What!" Eddy caught that. "I'm sleeping on the couch!?"

"Of course, Edwin," Mrs. Sampson told her younger son. "Sugar will sleep in your bed."

"That ain't cool or fair, Mom!"

"Edwin, Sugar is your family..."

Eddy sighed, not being able to argue with his mother without getting a painful loss. "Yes, Mom..."

"Now, help her unpack, I expect to see you two bonding this month." Mrs. Samspon said as she was looking for a pillow and blanket for Eddy to sleep on for the month.

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><p>Eddy growled as he went up the stairs with Sugar following. Sugar was just excited about spending the summer with Eddy and the other cul-de-sac kids, but Eddy was far from delighted.<p>

"Did I ever tell ya about the awesome pep talk my mom gives me whenever I'm in one of them pageants back home?" Sugar kept gushing about herself.

"You mean when she tells you to hurry up and get dressed?" Eddy deadpanned as they came to the top of the stairs.

Sugar snorted in laughter and slapped Eddy's back, making him fall down the stairs. "Oh, Eddy, you're such a kidder! I see where the family sense of humor comes from... Eddy?" she looked around as he wasn't up the stairs anymore. She then saw him at the bottom of the stairs. "Eddy! This ain't no time for a nap, now get back up here!"

Eddy moaned and came back up the stairs to let Sugar stay in his room. Why Sugar couldn't be the one on the couch, he didn't understand. Eddy opened the door and unwillingly let Sugar go inside. "This is my room..."

"Oh, my stars!" Sugar gasped and ran in, jumping on the bed which made it fall right down on the floor and nearly break down. "Oh, Eddy, it's the best room I had ever seen! Y'all are so lucky that Uncle Jack and Aunt Jessica let you sleep in a room like this... I mean, it ain't like your brother's room, but it's still cool beans!"

"You've been in my brother's room...?"

"Oh, yeah, when he still lived around here and I'd visit, he'd let me stay in his room sometimes, he was so cool! I wish I had a brother as cool as yours..."

"Don't you have a little brother?" Eddy asked.

"Do I?" Sugar tried to think, then smiled as she sat up. "Oh, yeah! We were visiting in town once... He got lost... I hope he remembers to get back home in time for dinner!"

Eddy flinched a bit at his cousin.

"I appreciate ya lettin' me stay here, Eddy," Sugar scooted closer in the bed and held her knees.

"Kids, dinner time!" Mrs. Sampson called from downstairs.

"Oh, dinner! I'm starved!" Sugar rushed in, grabbing Eddy's hand and dragging him downstairs with her. "Ya gotta eat like a king, queen, and bot-bellied piggy!"

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><p>At the Sampson dinner table, Sugar was bragging about how she was so popular and a pageant queen. Eddy simply picked at and ate his macaroni and cheese quietly, not really saying much. Eddy's parents seemed to had been favoring Sugar over their own son as she had a lot of interesting stories to tell that didn't involve scamming kids from their money to go to the candy store for her own benefit.<p>

"Remember, Edwin," Mrs. Sampson spoke up to her son. "You're taking your cousin out with you tomorrow to meet your friends."

"Aw, Mom, do I have to?" Eddy whined.

"You heard your mother, Matthew, you are gonna do it, and you are gonna like it!" Mr. Sampson pounded the table, nearly breaking it because of how strong and big his fist was.

"I'm Eddy, Dad, Eddy..." the pink boy corrected, after being misnamed after his brother.

"Yeah, that's what I said." Mr. Sampson snorted, then ripped at his food viciously like a wild animal.

Mrs. Sampson blinked at that, then smiled at Sugar. "It's so nice to have another girl in the house."

"Aww... That makes me feel prettier than a magnolia in May!" Sugar beamed.

Eddy sighed as he ate. He wondered what adventures awaited the cul-de-sac as he would show and tell his 'friends' about his cousin.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Sugar was snoring very loudly. She nearly peeled the paint off from Eddy's bedroom walls. She wore a frilly sleep mask with her hair in hair curlers like those 'pretty old ladies' and wore a glossy night-gown. She was getting drool everywhere on her pillow. She then stopped, wiped her fat mouth and sat up, yawning. She removed the sleep mask to see it was morning.

"Oh, goodie, I get to spend time with my little cousin today!" Sugar beamed, then quickly got herself dressed and ready to spend time with Eddy. She went to his private bathroom and started to wash herself up by brushing her gapped teeth, wiping her face and doing her hair. Once she was done looking like she always did, she declared herself as beautiful and the pageant queen she always knew she was. "Oh yeah, I'd date me..." she grinned cheekily, then rushed down the stairs to meet her cousin.

Eddy was still sleeping on the couch after what felt like forever to get comfortable and fall asleep. He was sleeping fun, but felt his house shaking slightly. Either Sugar was on her way downstairs, or his mother was doing exercises at home like she normally did while Eddy would be at school. Since Jessica mentioned she was going to the store to get groceries and it was summer, Eddy felt doomed as he discovered it had to be Sugar.

"Hiya, cuz!" Sugar plopped down next to the boy.

Eddy flew out from the couch and landed back on it. "Morning, Sugar..." he murmured to her.

"Good to see ya, did ya miss me?" Sugar pinched his cheeks like a doting girl. "Gosh, you're so cute like a little piggie in a blanket!"

Eddy groaned, then left the room to get dressed and hopefully have a nice, quiet and calm bowl of Chunky Puffs cereal. As he poured it and got the milk, he had a phone call. "Hello?" he muttered out an answer.

"_Greetings, Eddy, what plans will we partake in this fine summer morning?_" Double D asked, anxiously waiting.

"Not much, I have a cousin visiting..."

"_Eddy, I didn't know you had cousins._"

"Well, I got one, her name's Sugar."

"_Sugar, you say, she sounds sweet!_"

Eddy chuckled sarcastically. "Yeah, sweet, that's a word for her... I have to show her around the neighborhood today, she's staying for a month."

"_Oh, that sounds like a big adventure for her, maybe Ed and I could meet her._"

"I think it's better ya don't... She's... Ugh... I wish someone else could babysit her or whatever, she's really driving me crazy."

"_Eddy, she can't be that bad..._"

"Trust me, you'll see when we're out in town later."

"_Alright, I'll see you later then._"

"Later Sockhead..."

The two Ed's then hung up. Eddy then continued to get his cereal ready after dressing in his everyday clothes.

Sugar came into the kitchen to join him. "Who were ya talkin' to? Your girlfriend?"

Eddy scoffed at her.

"You need advice on a girl, I'll help my little cousin," Sugar smiled, sitting across from him, then took the box of cereal to eat some herself. "I know what a girl wants..."

"I'm sure you do..." Eddy muttered as he ate the cereal for himself.

"I just can't wait to meet your little friends!" Sugar was engrossed in spending time with Eddy, oblivious towards his disinterest.

Eddy groaned a bit as he finished his bowl of cereal, then went to wash it so his mother would have less house work to do when she would get home. Nothing made her angrier than to clean up a big mess after three men in the house, two now since Eddy's brother lived away from the cul-de-sac. At least Jessica Sampson had Sugar around, since she had always wanted a daughter and envied her sister for being able to have a daughter and then a boy instead of just plain boys. Maybe she should have tried again after Eddy just to see what would happen.

"It's such a lovely day outside, I wonder what your little friends are up to?" Sugar beamed as she looked out the window in delight.

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><p>Eddy sighed as he came out the door with Sugar just to see what was going on in the neighborhood. It seemed to be the usual. Rolf was doing farm chores, Sarah and Jimmy were playing dolls, Jonny was with Plank, Kevin was on his bike to impress Nazz, and Double D and Ed were waiting for Eddy to start their day. Luckily the Kanker sisters lived outside of the neighborhood, so the kids rarely got to see them.<p>

"Double D, Eddy's got a monster after him! I'll save you, Eddy!" Ed screamed as he saw Sugar.

"I believe that's Eddy's cousin, Ed." Double D informed him.

"Eddy has a cousin named Ed? I hope she likes buttered toast!" Ed laughed, smiling.

Double D sighed a bit.

Sugar walked with Eddy and saw a bunch of the other kids. "Them folks sure are smaller in the suburbs than the farm Uncle Elliot raises."

"Oh, so the new chubby girl is a farmer as well, yes?" Rolf greeted her.

"Me? No, I ain't no farmer," Sugar laughed. "I'm a Pageant Queen. Sugar Wilson at your service for winning and being mega grand supreme and more!"

"You're a pageant queen?" Sarah scoffed. "You look more like you'd win a greased pig contest!" she then laughed loudly and nasty.

Eddy may have not been really keen on Sugar, but Sarah was just being unfair and more rude than she should be.

"Oh, no ya didn't, miss thing, uh-uh," Sugar shoved a pear in Sarah's mouth to shut her up. "Y'all are just jealous cuz I got all my baby fat still and you just have that fat mouth of yours."

Eddy snickered a bit. Okay, that was pretty cool and sweet.

"Hey, Dorky, I see the family resemblance!" Kevin laughed on his bike while Nazz stood there, entranced by Sugar. "YOU should enter the dork pageant!"

"She's been in beauty pageants?" Nazz sounded impressed. "Maybe she could teach me to enter this year's Peach Creek Pretty Fest!"

Kevin looked at her, strangely.

Sugar looked at Kevin strangely, but not in the same way he did with Nazz. She looked like she was falling in love with Kevin, even if he was picking on her 'favorite cousin'. Kevin then shrugged and rode his bike off.

"Who's that boy, Eddy...?" Sugar asked dreamily.

"Who?" Eddy then followed her gaze. "Oh, that's Kevin..."

"Kevin..." Sugar repeated, still dreamily. "Oh, what a wonderful name, he's the most handsomest boy in all of the world! Eddy, ya got to set me up with that sweet hunk of man!"

"Say what?" Eddy was taken aback as Double D and Ed came by his side to take a closer look to Eddy's cousin.

"Please, Eddy!" Sugar grabbed Eddy close with her blue eyes staring into his. "I always wanted a summer boyfriend to brag to all my friends about! Y'all don't know how much this would mean to me!"

"Wait, wait, wait," Eddy backed up, patting down his shirt. "You're in love with Kevin?"

Sugar nodded, smiling. Eddy then burst out laughing. Sugar's smile disappeared and she glared at Eddy, feeling offended.

"Eddy..." Double D saw Sugar's angry gaze.

Eddy kept laughing, which made Ed laugh with him.

"Well, fine, who needs ya!?" Sugar yelled at Eddy, which made him stop. "I oughta tell Aunt Jessica!"

"No, wait, don't!" Eddy came to his senses. "I'm sorry... I don't really know how to help you, but you can have him, I guess... I'm late for uhh..."

"An appointment with us!" Double D added in, nervously.

"Yeah, we gotta do something together, just us boys," Eddy said, making this up as he went along with Double D. "Sorry, Sugar, but it's boys only, see ya at lunch!" he walked off with the other Ed's.

"But I want a summer boyfriend!" Sugar yelled after them and felt alone. "Dang, I ain't never gonna get me a summer boyfriend... No one will help me."

"I'll help you, Sugar." a voice spoke up.

Sugar turned to see it was Nazz. "Ya will? Y'all are sweeter than a pumpkin pie dumped in apple cider in the middle of autumn!"

"Thanks! ...I think," Nazz said, smiling. "But on one condition. You teach me how to be a good pageant queen like you."

Sugar looked flattered as she went off with Nazz and bounced her curly golden locks. "Y'all came to the right pageant queen winnin' cousin, honey child..."


End file.
